Meet Ryan. He bravely escaped the womb at an impressive speed on April 10th, 2014 at precisely 5 o'clock a.m.. He joined 2 sisters and a brother who were eagerly awaiting his arrival. His mother, father and 2 sets of grandparents were also enthusiastic about his appearance.
Me: So, Ryan, how was the journey to the outside world?
Ryan: "It was traumatic to say the least. I was practicing my Kung Fu and I punched a little too hard because I broke my womb room with my fist. I heard some yelling and I got jostled around and a few hours later I was pushed through a tiny hole. OMG that hurt...lemme tell you. Not only did I have to endure almost skull crushing pain - they chopped off some of my skin just a few hours after that. And it wasn't in the most pleasant of places. Do I NEED to be any more blunt when I say keep sharp objects away from the pee-pee."
Me: "wow that sounds terrible"
Ryan: "yah, but I'm a rockstar and have a high pain tolerance which will work well for me later when I get my bod covered in tattoos like my pops."
Me: "So tell me what a typical day is for you"
Ryan: "I pretty much sleep a lot. I'm growing fast and that takes a LOT of energy- so I gotta get my rest. I also eat a lot but I've gotten into the bad habit of spitting up my food. I got to keep my figure. I hear it's an unhealthy habit, but I'm a baby and have some learning to do. I also pee and poop a lot. I love to see the reaction on the mom when I blow out a diaper. I save it all for one load. It takes a lot of work to make the diapers I do.
I also take care of my mom. I make sure she gets plenty of exercise and lack of sleep. I don't want her to get lazy in life and I'm only this tiny for a short time and I want her to appreciate me as much as she can.
Me: "tell me more about your parents"
Ryan: "I'll start with my old man. He's pretty cool. You can tell he's an amateur but I dig it. He has passion and that's what matters. He loves me and calls me monkey boy. I like monkeys, so I don't mind it. We like to chill together watching Nascar and baseball. You know, cool man bonding stuff.
My mom is pretty special. She stays home with me so I don't get lonely. I also don't know how to change my diapers or feed myself so she takes care of that too. I love it when she sings to me. I mean she's no Mariah Carey but she can bolt out some "twinkle twinkle little star" and "you are my sunshine" like nobody's business. She takes my picture a lot so I guess that makes me a model."
Me: What have you accopmlished in your first month of life
Ryan: "Well, I've technically been around for approx 11 months but nobody seems to like to talk about that. But I suppose we'll just talk about the outside month. I've done a lot. I've met some pretty awesome people. They all love to hold me and talk to me. I like that. I've gone on some cool outings - like to the store and Safari Park and outside the house. I've also gone to some scary places where they use sharp objects on me. They call it the doctors and I do NOT like it there. They used scissors on my tongue. The Doctor lady said I was tongue tied and she wanted to snip it if the folks were okay with it. I tried to tell them that I was NOT okay with it but they didn't' understand and they said "okay" and MAN DID IT HURT! She lied and said it wouldn't..but it did. I also bled all over the place for what seemed like an eternity. Doctor lady said it's still short and I can go in for surgery if needed..thankfully mom got the message and said to leave it be."
Me: "What do you plan on doing the next month of your life"
Ryan: "I hope to develop more skills to get me further in life. I want to smile and laugh. The folks do it all the time and it looks pretty fun. I want to strengthen my neck too. It's way too floppy and I feel a bit silly when the mom tries to sit me up. So I guess I'll hit the gym.
I also want to travel more. I'm sick of the same old view day in and day out. I need to see the world. Maybe the zoo, or the park. One day I hope to stretch out my sea legs as well.
Me: "Sounds like you're loving life on the outside"
Ryan: "Yep, it's pretty amazing. I sometimes miss the solitude of the inside, but I wouldn't
change my life for all the solitude int he world.
 |
| Me an my mom |
 |
| Me and my pops |
 |
| Showing off my modeling skills |
 |
| I have many poses and faces I can do. |
