Half a year old baby boy!

Wow, it's been a fun 6 months with Ryan. It's been a blast getting to know him. I just pray the next 6 months are just as great!

The very same day Ryan turned 6 months old, he had one of the crankiest sad days of his short life. He pretty much cried all day long. Nothing would soothe him. Daddy came home and took over because I was exhausted. Ryan still cried...more like screamed until late that night. I took back over after a while and bounced him to sleep and he slept well and the next day he was perfectly happy.  We like to think he was upset that he was getting older but he's now accepted it.

Look at him go!

Ryan can roll over like a champ and that's how he gets most places he wants to go.  I will need to start baby proofing.

He just started scooting forward using his tippy toes to push him.

He cut his two bottom teeth in the last month and that was very drooly and sad at the same time. He's now pleased as punch with his pearly whites and likes to bite anything that gets near his mouth.

Jumping in his jumparoo is the best thing ever! He has the strongest legs of anyone in the house and he jumps and jumps and jumps.  Once he started jumping he lost all interesting in the baby swing. :( We are quite sad because that was our go-to when he got cranky and tired. Now he just cries and screams to be held. We have tried the cry it out and 90% of the time it does NOT work. The past couple days the only thing that gets him to sleep is one of us bouncing him on our knee until he passes out. He also falls asleep in his jumper but I just don't feel good leaving him there for a nap...especially since his legs don't know it's time to stop jumping even though he's asleep.

Eating

We've starting feeding him a little at a time. If we go out we try fruits and veggies from our plates. So far he's had tomatoes, cantaloupe, watermelon, honeydew, pickles (He LOVES pickles), green beans, rice and beans.   I've blended up extra from our dinner to feed him and he's happy with that. We have decided to just give him what we have instead of buying baby food from jars. He seems to be doing quite well with that and the doctor has no problems with it either.

Singing

Ryan loves to hear himself (sing?) I'm not sure what it is...but it's a high pitched noise and we mimic him and he things its' funny. He also like to talk and tell us about his day. He definitely doesn't talk as much as his big sister, Allison, did but he talks more than his big brother, Tyler did.He's definitly his own person much like his daddy is. We love him to pieces.

Rewind and be kind. Educate instead of Hate.

I have a new movement to share with you all. My politicalish post is directed towards anyone who think it's directed towards and even those who don't. :)

I've always been motivated by those who call me names. The worse names I'm called the better I perform. And if I don't agree with you, just start calling me ignorant, stupid, lame, dumb...and so on...I'm even more motivated to change my mind just so you stop calling me those names.


NOT. Um...wait...rewind.

Have you ever thought that:

Positively sharing knowledge has better reception than doing so negatively? You may think it's just the opposite because it seems a like only the negative is shared. It riles up everyone's emotions and brings forth anger and hatred...but nothing changes. Nobody's minds are changed. I repeat, nobody.  We want people to change. We all think our ideas and beliefs are the correct ones and society and the world would be a better place if everyone voted left, or right, up or down, black or white...and so on.  Very rarely do I see any side that kindly shares their ideas and ideals in a positive way. A way that doesn't sling hateful words to the people that don't share the same. If we want change and people don't change if they are called unkind words, then why are we continuing to do just that?

Tell someone they're doing a good job and they will work harder. Tell them how much they suck and watch their work circle the drain.   Encourage instead of bring down.  I'm not saying everyone deserves a trophy, as I do think competition is necessary - but I feel we are going about it the wrong way.

Let's rewind.....and be kind.

Instead of spewing hate....educate. Sharing your views and beliefs in a kind and positive way will diminish the need to have others put up their defensive barrier and maybe...just maybe...you will have the ability to penetrate their mind and slowly change the world for the better.

My thoughts for the day

Kiddos and stuff

 

School has started again! Yay! Well...not so much. I may be one of the few parents I know that enjoy having their children around every day. If I knew I could do it better than their school, I'd home-school my kids. That being said, I don't think I can do it better so off to school they go!

Sarah is a SENIOR in high school! I can't believe it. I'm so proud of her. She has a full time job and it amazing at it. Always a smile on her face and I actually see her more! I can't wait to see what her future holds. :)

Allison is now in the 8th grade. Middle school kinda sucks because they go from being the bottom class (7th grade) to the top of the class (8th grade) and next year they are at the bottom as Freshman in high school. So confusing for them.  My daughter does well though and I'm super proud of her.

Tyler is still my soft spoken sweet boy and is now in the 5th grade. He has the same teacher his dad had as well as Allison had in the 5th grade. I'm happy about that because I enjoyed her as Allison's teacher. My kids have been blessed with amazing teachers.  Tyler is also in traveling soccer this year and is doing quite well.

 

Ryan will be 5 months in 6 more days! Time is flying and I love seeing him grow and become a little person. He has a fun personality and I love his sweet smile. Everyone says he looks like Tyler, but I see him looking more like his daddy every day.

Steve and I love our little family and life together in our small town. Anticipating the future and see what our life will hold for us.

Blessings to all.

Depression is real

Always after a death, whether it be someone close like a family or friend, or someone famous that even though we didn't know them they some how touched us - Social media is always filled with closeness. Most of the comments are about sadness or favorite memories. A few scattered heartless people are out there, but gladly most of them are good filled memories. When someone dies by their own hand, my heart breaks for what they must have gone through to get to that point. 

Depression is real.

I have suffered depression for many years. A decade or more at least. I believe that everyone suffers this terrible "whateverthisis" different than others. I also believe that we all cannot be treated the same way. Thankfully, I have not been to the point where I want to end my own life. I cannot know what those people are thinking and what they're going through. I do know that we all have our own secrets and things we've been through and no matter how much we share, we never share it all. There will always be something inside that we keep for just ourselves.  We can NEVER know everything about someone else.  I do know it is not what we want. Nobody wants to feel depressed. It's a terrible way to feel. It's...well...depressing. 

Depression cannot be snapped out of.

People can look happy and act happy and actually feel happy sometimes and still suffer from depression. I have many good days, good moments, good hours. Photos of me looking happy and laughing, I am happy and laughing in that moment. It can change. I know it will change...I just don't know when.  I could have all the money in the world, but that doesn't beat depression. I am not sure what it will take, I just know that it's real and misunderstood.

Depression doesn't equal "emo"

I am a very sensitive and emotional person. I cry at almost every movie.  I also think many appropriateness things are hysterically funny. I love to drink beer and sometimes I drink too much. I pray and believe in God. I try to love everyone regardless of what they believe. I am many things and my depression doesn't define me. It doesn't fit into any one type of person. It goes after every type of person.

How to "deal" with someone who suffers from depression

Love them. Let them know you care. Give them space and know they still care about you but may not be able to show it. Don't judge them. Think hard before you hand out advice. Let them know they're not alone and that you WANT to hear what they have to say. You WANT to be apart of their lives even if they think their life isn't worth living.  The hardest part, for me at least, is feeling as though I'm whining or talking about things someone else doesn't want to hear or want to understand. I don't want to be a burden and I don't want people judging me.  This doesn't mean you need to give up on your own life and take on the pain of your friend or loved one.  There's a time and place for everything.  You don't have to fully understand what someone is going through to love them. Love them anyway.

Why do I share

I ask myself why I feel the need to share so much about my life. I often wonder why does anyone feel the need to do anything? Why do artists, create? Why do authors, write? Why do athletes do athletic stuff. Why do couch potatoes sit on couches and eat potatoes?  It's just something in us that has the passion to do it, so we do.   I love writing, but don't have the patience to write a book. I've tried, I get bored with it. But I like writing and this is how I can do it. Social Media makes it quite simple to share thoughts and events with hundreds, if not thousands, of people at a time.

In the end. I share because I want to and because I can.

In Love

Relationships. Only God knows why this one is different from all the rest. Well, actually, every relationship is different so that's nothing new...however, I have never felt the need to 'claim' someone. I am not sure if it's because of what I've been through in the past few years or what. I fall in love more and more with Steve all the time. I don't like being a part from him and if we could spend all day together every day I would be incredibly happy.   I've also never experienced this type of jealousy before.  It's not "I'll cut you b---- if you get near my man" type. It's more reserved and internal than that. I want him to be proud to have me next to him. I want the world to know we're inseparable.  It's an entirely new feeling and it's over powering. I suppose this is how the crazy, psycho girls are created. *nervous laughter*  I'm only kidding.  I'm not psycho...just mildly crazy. *wink*

My love and Me

Dancing in the sky

Inner self

Depression isn't something one can control.  We can feel happiness for a chunk of time and then suddenly be overwhelmed with sadness and despair. We don't ask for it, nor can we predict when it will hit us.  It can last for minutes, hours, days, months or years.  We pray when it hits it's just for a moment until we can see a glimmer of hope...light...whatever it is that makes people get through the day.

If you are lucky enough not to suffer, then please just try and accept.  Just love us.  I feel beyond help.  I don't want advice. I just want love and acceptance. I judge more than you ever could.  Just love me.  It's okay. 

3 Months Old

3 months ago we had our perfect baby boy. He joined his perfectly wonderful siblings and has blessed us every single day.  We just loving seeing him grow and develop into his tiny personality. We couldn't have asked for a better baby.

Ryan has learned to laugh by opening his mouth really wide and sucking in air. It's so funny to watch and he sometimes chokes on his own laugh. It's so silly. He smiles constantly which just brightens up our faces whenever we see it.

 

Ryan has experienced a lot in his three months of life - including camping at San Clemente State Park  . He had great fun and LOVED the ocean. Papa Steve took him out into the water and he was so chill and happy. 

We all enjoyed ourselves immensely and can't wait to go again.

Ryan also loves to stand. He can sometimes stand on his own for a couple seconds but his legs tire out quickly. He wants to and I have a feeling he will be an early walker/runner too. You can just tell he wants to get up and go! Mama is going to get her exercise in, that's for sure. She's looking forward to it though. Nothing like wee-ones to keep a body young and alert.

Baby boy has started loving to be swaddled and put in his his swing. It's two of his favorite things. Another favorite he has is his toy Cookie Monster. He laughs and talks to him like he's an old friend.

We cannot wait to see what else Ryan Thomas has in store for us.

Much Love

Lesley and Steve

One year later. Steve & Lesley

From the moment we met until today we've been inseparable. You were given to me as a gift during a time I needed you the very most. We were blessed by surprise with our sweet baby boy. I can only wonder if it was all destined to be.

Our first date - Sea World July 2013

Our most recent outing and photo together June 2014

You have filled me up with many new friends and family and I thank you so much for the love that surrounds me and my kids. We have had our ups. Lots of them. Every one of them with you fills my heart with love and laughter. We've had downs...not too many and downs come with every relationship - it's how we get through them is what matters. And we've had in-betweens. I still look forward to seeing you every single day. Not a day goes by that I wish you not by my side.  I know we have many years to come and I anxiously await to see what they brings us.

I love you. Happy first year together!

Two months old

My baby is 2 months old. Where has the time gone? I blinked and two months passed...just like that. Ryan has changed so much in these past 9 weeks.  He can stand up when I hold his hands for a short period of time. He can smile and even laughs on occasion. He loves belly time and focuses on his surroundings and is so aware.  He is such a good baby. I feel Steve and I were blessed with a practically perfect infant. We can read his cries for the most part, but he doesn't really cry a whole lot.

At his last Dr's appointment he weighted 11 lbs 14 oz and was 23" tall. Pretty close to average for his age...maybe on the smaller end of average...but as long as he's healthy I don't care!

We take Ryan everywhere. We have since he was born. No stopping us from doing things because we have a baby in tow. He is involved in all that we do and we wouldn't have it any other way. He even goes to the local brewery with us once a week. :)  He will be our future brew master for sure.

I'm looking forward to the upcoming months and for him to grow and be happy. 

Our baby is a fan of many sports teams.

Here he is rooting for the Yankees to make his daddy proud

Now he's rooting for the Padres to make his mommy and Poppy happy!

And finally he's also an Angels fan to honor his grandma and grandpa Hays. :)

Lesley's plan for weightloss

As soon as I stopped nursing, the weight stopped dropping...and since I didn't alter my intake (you can eat slightly more when nursing and still lose weight) it actually starting coming back on. I don't weigh myself (scale is broken/off anyway) unless I go to a doctor and they do it. I just go off of how my clothes fit and I can't afford a whole new wardrobe to fit my new size. :)

Soooooo......I'm doing the slim-fast thing (technically the Kirkland brand weight loss shake thing...but who's really gonna know?) during the week and I get freebies on the weekends. Yep...it's proven to be successful for me in the past. I don't mind the taste of the drinks at all. In fact, I have to limit how much my son drinks or else I will go broke buying them. He loves them. I actually don't mind him drinking them because he doesn't eat much anyway and they are a meal replacement so I know he's getting nutrients that way.

 

I wonder if these drinks turn me into her?? 

I highly doubt this bikini clad model drinks these to get to where she is now..And I'm not realistically going for that look anyway. I like food way too much.

Overly Insecure? Untrusting? Or something else...

Maybe this is something some people think should be left for a private conversation, others, maybe not. I am who I am and I vent how I vent and share my views, concerns and joys the way that I do. I've never kept it a secret and as I've been told "be okay with it"

Bachelor parties...Bachelorette Parties. I have stated my views before. I am not okay with what seems to be the "norm" behind them. Drunkenness and strippers.  You are out celebrating with 20 of your 'closest friends' viewing naked dancers inches from your face (touching? maybe that'll cost you more - I don't even want to go there). The point of this celebratory ritual?  A rite of passage for the spouse to be. A final night to get all their ya-ya's out before they're tied down to the ol' ball and chain.

My view on this.

If you have ya-ya's - get them out before you get into a relationship. Respect your girl or guy and have a night out at Dave N Busters or Go-Kart racing...or something else that doesn't involve naked people who aren't your spouse to be.

It's about LOVE and RESPECT. I don't expect everyone to share my views...but the thought of my guy planning and/or attending one of the debacles makes me sick to my stomach. Do I trust my guy? Sure. Do I think he's planning on cheating on me? Nope. Do I like the thought of him getting turned on by some naked lady doing only God-knows-what in front of him, on his lap or whatever else they do? NOT-ONE-LITTLE-BIT

It is not okay. Purposely attending an event knowing you're going to be lusting after someone partially or fully unclothed is not okay. Making a night out of this is not okay with me. I don't see how it is okay with anyone, really. A night out, sure. A fun wholesome night out with friends is always a good time.

You are free to call me insecure. I am. I believe most people are to some degree.
You are free to call me un-trusing. I am that as well. I don't trust what 's going on inside someone's head who feels the need to view naked people dancing inches from their face. It's anything but innocent. I think my body is the only one he should be lusting for.  I won't ever apologize for that.

Interview with a 1 month old

Honest answers from an honest guy. What more could we ask for as we take a journey through the mind of a 1 month old baby boy...a very intelligent 1 month old I may add.

Meet Ryan. He bravely escaped the womb at an impressive speed on April 10th, 2014 at precisely 5 o'clock a.m..  He joined 2 sisters and a brother who were eagerly awaiting his arrival. His mother, father and 2 sets of grandparents were also enthusiastic about his appearance.

Me: So, Ryan, how was the journey to the outside world?

Ryan: "It was traumatic to say the least. I was practicing my Kung Fu and I punched a little too hard because I broke my womb room with my fist.  I heard some yelling and I got jostled around and a few hours later I was pushed through a tiny hole. OMG that hurt...lemme tell you. Not only did I have to endure almost skull crushing pain - they chopped off some of my skin just a few hours after that. And it wasn't in the most pleasant of places. Do I NEED to be any more blunt when I say keep sharp objects away from the pee-pee."

Me: "wow that sounds terrible"

Ryan: "yah, but I'm a rockstar and have a high pain tolerance which will work well for me later when I get my bod covered in tattoos like my pops."

Me: "So tell me what a typical day is for you"

Ryan: "I pretty much sleep a lot. I'm growing fast and that takes a LOT of energy- so I gotta get my rest. I also eat a lot but I've gotten into the bad habit of spitting up my food.  I got to keep my figure. I hear it's an unhealthy habit, but I'm a baby and have some learning to do.   I also pee and poop a lot. I love to see the reaction on the mom when I blow out a diaper. I save it all for one load. It takes a lot of work to make the diapers I do.

I also take care of my mom. I make sure she gets plenty of exercise and lack of sleep. I don't want her to get lazy in life and I'm only this tiny for a short time and I want her to appreciate me as much as she can.

Me:  "tell me more about your parents"

Ryan:  "I'll start with my old man. He's pretty cool. You can tell he's an amateur but I dig it.  He has passion and that's what matters. He loves me and calls me monkey boy. I like monkeys, so I don't mind it.   We like to chill together watching Nascar and baseball. You know, cool man bonding stuff.

My mom is pretty special. She stays home with me so I don't get lonely. I also don't know how to change my diapers or feed myself so she takes care of that too. I love it when she sings to me. I mean she's no Mariah Carey but she can bolt out some "twinkle twinkle little star" and "you are my sunshine" like nobody's business. She takes my picture a lot so I guess that makes me a model."

Me:  What have you accopmlished in your first month of life

Ryan: "Well, I've technically been around for approx 11 months but nobody seems to like to talk about that. But I suppose we'll just talk about the outside month. I've done a lot. I've met some pretty awesome people. They all love to hold me and talk to me. I like that. I've gone on some cool outings - like to the store and Safari Park and outside the house. I've also gone to some scary places where they use sharp objects on me. They call it the doctors and I do NOT like it there. They used scissors on my tongue.  The Doctor lady said I was tongue tied and she wanted to snip it if the folks were okay with it. I tried to tell them that I was NOT okay with it but they didn't' understand and they said "okay" and MAN DID IT HURT! She lied and said it wouldn't..but it did. I also bled all over the place for what seemed like an eternity.   Doctor lady said it's still short and I can go in for surgery if needed..thankfully mom got the message and said to leave it be."

Me: "What do you plan on doing the next month of your life"

Ryan: "I hope to develop more skills to get me further in life. I want to smile and laugh.  The folks do it all the time and it looks pretty fun. I want to strengthen my neck too. It's way too floppy and I feel a bit silly when the mom tries to sit me up. So I guess I'll hit the gym.  

I also want to travel more. I'm sick of the same old view day in and day out. I need to see the world. Maybe the zoo, or the park. One day I hope to stretch out my sea legs as well. 

Me: "Sounds like you're loving life on the outside"

Ryan: "Yep, it's pretty amazing. I sometimes miss the solitude of the inside, but I wouldn't
change my life for all the solitude int he world. 
 

Me an my mom

Me and my pops

Showing off my modeling skills

I have many poses and faces I can do.

2 weeks old...

My sweet baby boy is now almost 3 weeks old. He's such a sweetie pie too. He reminds me a lot of his big brother, Tyler. So mellow and easy going.  The past two days he hasn't even had any crying outbursts...like at all.

He's sleeping on me or next to me at night time. I will eventually break that habit..but for now it's easiest for us. I am getting sleep that way and that's a very good thing.  We're nursing and bottle feeding him and it's working out great. He doesn't care where his food comes from - it goes well with his mellow nature.

His sisters and brother love him so much and it feels like he just adapted to the family like he was meant to be. He was...meant to be. :) This kid defied lots of odds to get here..so we know he has a place here. He's going to do great things.

I'm doing really good. I've already lost 25 lbs and I feel great and full of energy. Other than bouts of depression and/or anxiety, the only thing I have wrong with me is my hands are numb. Dr says it's carpel tunnel and it's in both of my hands. I can't use the computer barley at all and anything I do on it takes 10x's the amount of time or I just give up because I can't feel my fingers.   I hope it goes away, I am not sure what will happen if it doesn't. It's crazy annoying. I have two wrist braces but I can't nurse or change baby or do a lot of things with baby while I have them on. It limits my abilities. Grr...

Today I did a mini photo shoot of my little man. He was alert and cooperative during the entire thing!

Other than that, we are doing wonderfully here. Steve and I are on a great track, kids only have like 5 more weeks of school and the weather is nice! 

We also got his hospital photos in. :)

New bundle of joy

It's only been 12 days since Ryan has been born and I can't imagine life with out him. He's perfect. His personality is mellow - which fits this household perfectly. He only cries when hungry or gassy and is content with pretty much everyone. He loves to be held and talked to.

Like his daddy: Ryan is a little talker, especially in his sleep. Just like daddy they jibber about randomness in their dreams. Mommy thinks it's hilarious.

Like his mommy: Mommy gave poor Ryan her tongue tied tongue. It was snipped at his 2nd Dr's appointment. Since then he's upped his eating considerably and gained close to his birth weight back in just a few days.

Like his brother: Ryan was born with a birthmark or a stork bite on his forehead. Just like his brother Tyler it's already showing signs of fading away.

Like his sisters: Ryan is way cool...just like his sisters are.

Sissy Allison giving brother some love

Sissy Sarah while at work at the Safari Park

  Sometimes I just sit and stare at my sweet little man and thank my stars that he's here.  It's amazing how much you can love a tiny human and do anything for them when just days before you had no idea what they even looked like. I also find it incredible how my love can grow for Steve by watching him take on fatherhood so proudly.  I truly feel blessed.

Enjoying my little man

 

First trip to the Safari Park

Giving kisses