Born to love..

I was born to love. It was stitched into my very soul. Loving can be warm and fulfilling; overwhelming and achy.  I am grateful. Loving is beautiful.

I was born to feel. My entire being feels so deeply it is as though I'm in a constant whirlwind of emotion. Feeling can be as soft as feather stroking ones skin or as sharp as a knife in ones heart. I am grateful. Feeling is wondrous.

I was taught to be thankful. My parents and family around me showed me how remarkable it is to be thankful. Thankfulness is being happy with what one has as well as what one has given your soul. I am grateful.  Thankfulness is humbling.

I was taught to give. To give without thought of one's self.  To give without wanting or needing anything in return. Giving is like a present and should never hurt.  I am grateful. Giving is a gift.

I am tempted to hate. All around me there is hatred, mean spirited talk and actions. Hatred sucks the happiness out of a body and replaces it with evil. I try and avoid all hate. Hate is cold in ones heart and like smoke in ones eyes.  I am grateful for the challenge to show others how to avoid hate. Hating is monstrous.

I am tempted to lie. White lies to make someone feel better. Big lies to try and better ones personal situation. Lying is everywhere. There is no benefit to a lie. If one must spit a lie instead of spilling the truth they are filled with shame. Lying may make one feel better for a short while, but will rip you apart over time.  I am grateful for the opportunity to tell the truth. Lying is disrespectful.

All in all I am surrounded by each of these and it's up to me how to use them. Filling my soul with the good and casting out the bad.




John 13:34-35

34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”


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Not gonna settle

***this has been on the back burner for a week. Didn't know if I was gonna post it or not - but I decided since I had taken the time to write it out...why the heck not***

I went away for the weekend. Not only did I HAVE to see one of my all time favorite people get married, but it was a nice breather for me. I had the most fun I've had in a long long while. I let my hair down, so to speak, and breathed in the Big Bear fresh air.  While having the time of my life I also was thinking. (Dangerous, I know.)  I will soon be divorced. I do not want to be alone forever. Though my kids are my priority right now, I also would like the comfort of a partner. But being a "little" older and going though what I've been through. I know what I want. I refuse to settle. I was making a mental list of what I want...but I know I need to write things down. And if I meet someone who's interested and I feel the same way back he's gonna have to meet some criteria. I refuse to settle. I should make them fill out an application.

Here goes nothing

• Kids
• I may or may not want more kids. Whomever I choose to date has to have an open mind about more kids. I made my ex agree to 5 before we got married. He didn't really want that. I don't want someone to agree because they are desperate to be with me. I want someone to truly want the same things as I do. I would happily have more kids. My own, or foster, or adopted. I not only want someone to support that, but to actually want it as well. 
• Animals
• I like to come home w/ things. I want someone to love my furbabies as much as I do. Heck, come home w/ your own too! We need to get a ranch though...they need space. I want chickens and ducks and goats, and pigs and doggies and kitties. I may never get the chance, but I would like the option..if only mentally. 
• Beliefs
• I need 100% respect of my beliefs and that I will raise my kids (present and future) with what I believe to be true and important. 
• Respect
• When you respect your partner you respect them even when they aren't around. I need that. Hanging out w/ your buddies is no excuse to disrespect me...even if you think it's just joking. I am very open minded and I know when it's play...but there's a line. So even if I never find out, please always respect me. 
• Love
• I need to not only hear how much you love me, but I need to see it. Actions speak louder than words. I really believe that. 

Then I tell myself people grow and they can sometimes differently than what they originally planned. So far, this is my plan. It may change. I may meet someone and everything may change. Only time will tell. But this is my current plan.