Overly Insecure? Untrusting? Or something else...

Maybe this is something some people think should be left for a private conversation, others, maybe not. I am who I am and I vent how I vent and share my views, concerns and joys the way that I do. I've never kept it a secret and as I've been told "be okay with it"

Bachelor parties...Bachelorette Parties. I have stated my views before. I am not okay with what seems to be the "norm" behind them. Drunkenness and strippers.  You are out celebrating with 20 of your 'closest friends' viewing naked dancers inches from your face (touching? maybe that'll cost you more - I don't even want to go there). The point of this celebratory ritual?  A rite of passage for the spouse to be. A final night to get all their ya-ya's out before they're tied down to the ol' ball and chain.

My view on this.

If you have ya-ya's - get them out before you get into a relationship. Respect your girl or guy and have a night out at Dave N Busters or Go-Kart racing...or something else that doesn't involve naked people who aren't your spouse to be.

It's about LOVE and RESPECT. I don't expect everyone to share my views...but the thought of my guy planning and/or attending one of the debacles makes me sick to my stomach. Do I trust my guy? Sure. Do I think he's planning on cheating on me? Nope. Do I like the thought of him getting turned on by some naked lady doing only God-knows-what in front of him, on his lap or whatever else they do? NOT-ONE-LITTLE-BIT

It is not okay. Purposely attending an event knowing you're going to be lusting after someone partially or fully unclothed is not okay. Making a night out of this is not okay with me. I don't see how it is okay with anyone, really. A night out, sure. A fun wholesome night out with friends is always a good time.

You are free to call me insecure. I am. I believe most people are to some degree.
You are free to call me un-trusing. I am that as well. I don't trust what 's going on inside someone's head who feels the need to view naked people dancing inches from their face. It's anything but innocent. I think my body is the only one he should be lusting for.  I won't ever apologize for that.

Not gonna settle

***this has been on the back burner for a week. Didn't know if I was gonna post it or not - but I decided since I had taken the time to write it out...why the heck not***

I went away for the weekend. Not only did I HAVE to see one of my all time favorite people get married, but it was a nice breather for me. I had the most fun I've had in a long long while. I let my hair down, so to speak, and breathed in the Big Bear fresh air.  While having the time of my life I also was thinking. (Dangerous, I know.)  I will soon be divorced. I do not want to be alone forever. Though my kids are my priority right now, I also would like the comfort of a partner. But being a "little" older and going though what I've been through. I know what I want. I refuse to settle. I was making a mental list of what I want...but I know I need to write things down. And if I meet someone who's interested and I feel the same way back he's gonna have to meet some criteria. I refuse to settle. I should make them fill out an application.

Here goes nothing

• Kids
• I may or may not want more kids. Whomever I choose to date has to have an open mind about more kids. I made my ex agree to 5 before we got married. He didn't really want that. I don't want someone to agree because they are desperate to be with me. I want someone to truly want the same things as I do. I would happily have more kids. My own, or foster, or adopted. I not only want someone to support that, but to actually want it as well. 
• Animals
• I like to come home w/ things. I want someone to love my furbabies as much as I do. Heck, come home w/ your own too! We need to get a ranch though...they need space. I want chickens and ducks and goats, and pigs and doggies and kitties. I may never get the chance, but I would like the option..if only mentally. 
• Beliefs
• I need 100% respect of my beliefs and that I will raise my kids (present and future) with what I believe to be true and important. 
• Respect
• When you respect your partner you respect them even when they aren't around. I need that. Hanging out w/ your buddies is no excuse to disrespect me...even if you think it's just joking. I am very open minded and I know when it's play...but there's a line. So even if I never find out, please always respect me. 
• Love
• I need to not only hear how much you love me, but I need to see it. Actions speak louder than words. I really believe that. 

Then I tell myself people grow and they can sometimes differently than what they originally planned. So far, this is my plan. It may change. I may meet someone and everything may change. Only time will tell. But this is my current plan.